*Trigger warning* this story contains details about sexual assault and rape that some readers may find disturbing.
Two years after her rape, 20-year-old Marielle Concejo watched as another woman was publicly stigmatized for reporting her sexual assault: Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.
“I felt hurt but also not surprised,” said the San Francisco native. Concejo, who said she is used to the failure of systems meant to protect women, did not report her own sexual assault.
Like many sexual assaults, Concejo’s was perpetrated by someone she knew. And like many survivors, she did not want to relive her trauma, whether it was through recounting her trauma to police or gathering evidence at the hospital.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, about 63 percent of sexual assaults go unreported.
“I put on my brave, ‘nothing happened’ face and everyone bought it,” Concejo said of the critical moments after her assault. She placed a blanket over her sleeping assaulter and ran out of her apartment, bursting into tears before she faced her friends.
Dr. Ford famously took to the stand to testify against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh at his confirmation hearing, alleging that he sexually assaulted her as a teen. Like Dr. Ford, Concejo was young and afraid of the potential backlash.
Even catching a glimpse of the back of her assaulter, whom she had known for years, used to terrify her, she said. At first, she couldn’t wrap her mind around the rape. All she knew was that she was uncomfortable and felt unsafe.
“It’s like an out-of-body experience,” said Concejo. “It was like I was watching it happen … It was quite frightening. I didn’t know if he felt any of that.”
Her desire to be liked by her assaulter, and the denial of her trauma were not uncommon.
“What you want is for the person to change,” said Janelle White, executive director of San Francisco Women Against Rape (SFWAR). “Often we give people multiple chances.”
SFWAR, an organization based right in the Mission District, offers direct services for survivors and works closely with San Francisco Police Department and San Francisco General Hospital to assist survivors who choose to report or receive medical attention.
“Violence and sexual assault are connected to any social justice issue you want to fight,” said White. “It’s important to work together with law enforcement.”
Now outspoken about her rape, Concejo recalled watching the Title IX (federal civil rights legislation passed in 1972 that protects against sexual harassment) offices at her university fail her friends when they reported their own sexual assaults. Watching woman after woman get denied justice is enough of a deterrent to reporting, said Concejo.
Early this year, San Francisco Supervisor Hillary Ronen spearheaded the creation of The Office of Sexual Harassment and Assault Response and Prevention (SHARP) to hold city departments accountable for mishandling sexual assault reports.
One of the initiatives of the newly created office is to improve the way the hospital treats patients who suffered through a sexual assault –– particularly low-income women.
Being a low-income woman of color herself, Concejo felt as though her experience would be downplayed and ignored.
“My sense is that most people are aware in which ways those systems fail survivors,” said White. “But there are times when I see these systems change to improve the way they handle sexual assault.”
With the help of SFWAR, reporting sexual assault in San Francisco has changed. Now, survivors have the option of reporting their sexual assault from SFWAR’s office instead of the police station.
Concejo said she still gets teary-eyed when she recounts her rape. “It hurts to relive it but to report it, you have to say it.”
The hospital visit following an assault can be a whole different hurdle.
At a past Board of Supervisors committee hearing in April, women described waiting at the San Francisco General Hospital for hours before being seen. Several described dismissive comments about their assault from city agencies.
Pictures, genital swabs and questions can make “the individual feel violated all over again,” said Jess, a nursing assistant who oversaw the administration of a rape exam, and requested to be identified by first name only.
“The victim typically is already lacking trust in the system so it takes time to build up trust,” said Jess. “The nurses are gowned, gloved, and it’s a very insensitive and distant process in my opinion.”
For White, the issue lies with the lack of staff on hand at any given time, which can lead to long wait-times, with exams that can take up to four hours at a time.
“The medical providers are top notch and caring individuals,” White said.
White said survivors can receive medical attention at San Francisco General Hospital like pregnancy tests and STI tests without having to submit to a rape exam. In many cases, these are free procedures.
Jess believes compassion can make a world of a difference to the patient. Something as small as offering a fresh change of clothes can make the process feel less invasive—even better, if hospitals would offer a friendly face to keep patients company during the process, Jess said.
Concejo said that compassion is the most important thing when dealing with a victim of sexual assault, and the lack thereof is why she thinks assaults often go under reported. Feeling validated was key to her recovery, which is why she said if she could change anything, she would report her assault.
“Survivors are not liars,” said Concejo. “[They are allowed] to do everything in their own time.”
White hopes that one day, SFWAR can cease to exist. “I want to end rape. Service provision is important and vital, but we need to put more efforts in prevention. Changing attitudes and norms,” said White.