{"id":71646,"date":"2026-05-10T10:50:12","date_gmt":"2026-05-10T17:50:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eltecolote.org\/content\/?p=71646"},"modified":"2026-05-10T11:12:41","modified_gmt":"2026-05-10T18:12:41","slug":"perfect-mom-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eltecolote.org\/content\/en\/perfect-mom-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling like you can\u2019t do it all? How to rethink being the \u2018ideal\u2019 mother"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Querida Consejera,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m finding it very difficult to live up to the expectations of being an ideal mother \u2014 one who takes care of her home and looks after her children \u2014 while also being an efficient professional and showing up for my partner, the rest of my family and my friends.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can I find a real balance? The guilt of not being able to do everything is exhausting me. How can I stop trying to be everything to everyone and start enjoying motherhood without feeling emotionally drained?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014 Alicia<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dear Alicia,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you for your question. It\u2019s one I hear often. Many mothers are carrying this same feeling, even if it\u2019s not always spoken out loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lee esta columna en espa\u00f1ol<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to begin by honoring what you\u2019re feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That sense of exhaustion \u2014 that guilt \u2014 is a voice inside you, and it didn\u2019t come out of nowhere. So I want to gently ask: Where is that voice coming from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that when we name what we\u2019re feeling, our nervous system begins to calm. The amygdala, the part of the brain that responds to stress, starts to settle. So even being able to say, \u201cI feel overwhelmed,\u201d is already a powerful step toward caring for yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we can acknowledge an emotion, instead of ignoring it or feeling ashamed of it, we can begin to understand it. And often, that inner voice isn\u2019t trying to harm you. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a therapy approach called Internal Family Systems<\/a> (IFS) that speaks to this. It invites us to listen to our emotions as if they are parts of us that are trying to help. So instead of pushing the feeling away, you might ask: What is this guilt trying to tell me? What do I need right now?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take a moment. Breathe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of this exhaustion may come from an expectation that isn\u2019t sustainable. One person can\u2019t carry everything. In many of our communities, especially as Latinas, we\u2019re taught that a \u201cgood mother\u201d puts everyone else first, even at the cost of herself. But balance isn\u2019t about doing everything well. It\u2019s about not doing everything alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So let\u2019s gently look at your reality:<\/p>\n\n\n\n