{"id":55770,"date":"2023-05-05T09:08:29","date_gmt":"2023-05-05T16:08:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eltecolote.org\/content\/?p=55770"},"modified":"2023-05-05T09:08:32","modified_gmt":"2023-05-05T16:08:32","slug":"the-devils-advocate-column-daddys-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eltecolote.org\/content\/en\/the-devils-advocate-column-daddys-home\/","title":{"rendered":"The Devil\u2019s Advocate column: Daddy\u2019s Home"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Daddy\u2019s home!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once in a while, I am visited by the memory of my father; much less frequently than the visits by my mother. It is not for lacking affection towards my father, or due to the need to create a necessary healing distance of a psychological nature. Although some issues might exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our father\/son relationship reflects the time when I grew up, in the middle of the 1940-50 decade. A time, in my personal experience, less affectionate \u2014 as far as kissing and hugging is concerned \u2014 than the years when it has been my turn to be a father\u2026and now a grandfather. I do believe that I have been more affectionate, less afraid to be tender, less stoic. Still, perhaps I could have been more warm.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

\u201cStoic\u201d was also the word used by a Mexican friend, while talking about his own father. A stoic knows how to control his feelings, especially when facing difficulties and misfortunes. Some related adjectives are imperturbable, impassible and insensitive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am definitely less organized than my dad was. There, my father \u2014 a labor lawyer, a mason, a \u201cmoderate\u201d leftist \u2014 had a clear advantage, by far. In a time without computers, cell phones\u2026or even electric typewriters, my old man managed to have a meticulous order in everything he did. From his legal documents to his socks. One time he told me, proudly: \u201cI have the most orderly checking account in my bank!\u201d I do not know how he found that out, but I am certain that it was true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rub\u00e9n Bar\u00f3n Olmedo, my father, personified the word respect.<\/em> He was respectful of others, respectful of \u201cThe Law,\u201d respectful of himself. He cared for his physical health and was a handsome guy. He projected a healthy way of living. A good example of some of the songs that we learned at the YMCA summer camps. \u201cSoul and mind always looking to the future. A healthy body, always enjoying life!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

He entered all spaces, be it a tribunal, a sports club or a restaurant, with assured steps. His gaze was frank and his firm handshakes made a clear impression. \u201cGood afternoon, Don Rub\u00e9n! How are you, Don Rub\u00e9n?\u201d There was also a lesson for me: \u201cOne has to learn to give firm handshakes, Carlucho!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not remember him yelling at anyone. Be it at home or out in the street. When he drove his modest car, he never lost his temper, never insulted anyone. The only \u201cnegative\u201d phrase he would use if someone outside was driving too slow, was: \u201cJeez! That gentleman sure is enjoying the peaceful afternoon!\u201d I cannot say that I inherited that relaxed behavior. I have a much shorter fuse. At times, before I have driven even one block, I have been known to disparage a relative of whoever is driving ahead of me. What I say, generally, is far less elegant than the phrase used by my dad. <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I remember walking by his side on the downtown streets of Santiago, Chile, where his office was located. He wore a sober grey-colored hat, with a fancy little feather perched on its right brim. I was 8 or 9 years old and wore a similar, smaller, hat. There, I learned to salute the men with a light hand touch to the brim. If the person being saluted was a female, he would respectfully take off his hat. I copied him, exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I have already said, my father was not a yeller or a beater. He did not have to be. His severe gaze and an oft-repeated phrase sufficed as a disciplinary mantra: \u201cDo not talk back!\u201d At times, if I attempted a response and would say, for example, \u201cBut \u2026 dad \u2026 I \u2026 \u201d he would nip my inspiration in the bud with his \u201cDo not \u2026 !\u201d I always acquiesced. I would have preferred a dialogue, but it was not to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps, as it usually happens, his extreme preoccupation with order and his severe, and stoical, attitude were a natural reaction to the far less orderly life which his own father, my grandfather, Ulises, led. I only knew Grandpa Ulises by negative references. He has a bad reputation, that of a drinker and \u201ca Don Juan\u201d. He died when I was very young.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I would like to know more about that Ulises and his far less awesome adventures than the ones lived by the Greek Ulises from \u201cThe Odyssey,\u201d but my possible informants have all expired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe that my father would have preferred being a writer, to love more than what he did, to be more adventurous, but his circumstances led him to his legal profession. Perhaps it was a way out of relative poverty. One time, he actually wrote me that he had not wanted to become a lawyer. In spite of that confession, he tried to embark me on the same vessel! I had to leave Chile before I could dare say that theater was my thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will end with the memory of a theatrical event, which happened in that Summer Camp where we spent some of our summers. It was called \u201cGuay\u00e1polis\u201d because it was part of the YMCA.  In Spanish, the letter \u201cY\u201d, phonetically speaking, is said \u201cGuay\u201d. Y= Guay. \u201cGuay\u00e1polis\u201d then means \u201cThe City of the Y\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that \u201cGuay\u00e1polis\u201d, we enjoyed songs and storytelling around campfires. Sometimes, there were some dances and theatre skits, in which children and adults participated.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

The surprise of the particular night that I recall, was given by the fathers. I was seated on the ground, front row and I could not believe what was taking place: suddenly, we heard the well-known music from a comic opera called \u201cOrpheus in the Underworld\u201d, by Offenbach. The last part of the Overture is better known as \u201cthe Can Can\u201d, that erotic and rampant dance made famous by the dancers from France\u2019s \u201cFolies Berger\u201d. In our summer camp, when that music sounded, instead of beautiful semi-nude women, those who came on stage to dance were all men. Dressed as women!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I witnessed my first drag show at age 10! Among the hairy dancers, my stoic father!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I often think that perhaps my desire to do theater was planted in my brain by that unexpected and feverish dance. I would have liked to have said that to my father. And to thank him for the inspiration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Ruben
Ruben Bar\u00f3n, the father of El Tecolote columnist, Carlos Bar\u00f3n. Courtesy: Carlos Bar\u00f3n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Daddy\u2019s home! Once in a while, I am visited by the memory of my father; much less frequently than the visits by my mother. It is not for lacking affection towards my father, or due to the need to create a necessary healing distance of a psychological nature. Although some issues might exist. Our father\/son […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":35,"featured_media":55774,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"newspack_popups_has_disabled_popups":false,"newspack_featured_image_position":"","newspack_post_subtitle":"by Carlos Bar\u00f3n","newspack_article_summary_title":"Overview:","newspack_article_summary":"","newspack_hide_updated_date":false,"newspack_show_updated_date":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3929],"tags":[23722,11229],"coauthors":[18445],"class_list":["post-55770","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news-en","tag-daddys-home","tag-the-devils-advocate","entry"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Devil\u2019s Advocate column: Daddy\u2019s Home - El Tecolote<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Daddy\u2019s home! Once in a while, I am visited by the memory of my father; much less frequently than the visits by my mother. 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